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Slow-Faith

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We have been working in our Spring and Summer garden over the last few weeks. Sean and I set up a grow station in our house this year to watch our seeds grow from the very beginning. We mapped out our timeline, when to start our seeds, and when to transfer them. It may not sound like the most thrilling of days and I’m sure there are less “thought provoking” ways to garden, but the way we choose to garden inspires and gives us something to continually look forward to, it gives us hope. Getting back into the warmth of the spring growing season has me thinking a lot about the growth of the last year. Many of you know that Sean and I went through three pregnancy losses this last year. It’s changed me. It’s changed the way I relate to the world, to other women, and to God. I feel more compassionate and empathic. I find my heart is softer and my eyes are quicker to tears for the pain and joys of others. It’s made me more attuned to my own self-care needs. It’s change the way I talk to God; I...
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Maternal Mental Health Week

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“I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be enameled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our Lord's living garden.”  --St. Thérèse de Lisieux This week is Maternal Mental Health week, a week dedicated to bringing awareness to the ever-present issue of a mother’s wellbeing. It seems strange to have a week dedicated to an issue that feels so pervasive in my own life and the life of many women. Before COVID, 21 % of those who gave birth will have a mood disorder during the perinatal period and that number jumps to over 30% for women of color ( statistics from mindbodybabync.org ). I’m sure those numbers are climbing since the pandemic ( see this article for more on that  click here ) Through my involvement with Mindbodyb...
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Create.

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While we wanted to tie this difficult year up in a pink or blue bow, announcing our pregnancy at Christmastime, plans changed as we were dealing with our second miscarriage.  What a year this has been. There are moments in this year that will shine brightly, but for me, this has been a year of lament, and 2021, at least the beginning of it, will continue in that spirit. Lament is a difficult season for Christians to be in – we don’t like to feel bad for long – but I know that God is going to do something in our lives if we open the doors and create the space. If we create the space. Every year I choose a word of the year. Something to work towards, strive for, aspire to.    My word of the year for 2020 was “grace.” I wanted to feel God’s grace in my life. I wanted to have grace for myself. I wanted to have grace for people in my life. Little did we know, 2020 would need a lot of grace. I learned a lot about myself through the process of receiving, having, and giving grac...
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Walk in Peace

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During this Advent week of “Peace” I’ve been praying and asking God to, “let me feel His Peace.”  This led me to question what God’s peace feels like anyways.  Sometimes I feel peaceful in the mornings when the fire is lit, the house is quiet, and the coffee is hot. Sometimes I feel peaceful when Amelia is playing and learning. Sometimes I feel peace when we go on family walks. But isn’t God’s peace “supposed to transcend all understanding.” (Philippians 4:7) These peaceful moments are just that, they are moments, nothing that seems to last forever. What does it feel like to have this peace that Paul says will guard your heart and mind? “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that ...
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A Thrill of Hope

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Disappointed is the word I would initially use to describe our fall garden. It looks kind of sad, nowhere near as vibrant and active as our summer garden. Some crops really didn’t do well, while others crops have just been taking their time.  Doesn’t that seem to follow the pattern of our own lives? Summer and Spring are full of fun and adventure, and Fall and Winter are times to slow down, turn inward, and become more reflective. I think life is supposed to be that way. Times where we grow fast and times where we grow slow, and maybe even lie dormant.  Every year in my adulthood, I approach Advent with such excitement. I am filled with hope and awe of the season. Last year, being a new mother, Advent had such new meaning to me. I had a different understanding of the season through Mary’s eyes. The excitement and fear of welcoming a baby into the unknown world. The nerves and giddiness of finally being able to look at my child’s face.  This year is no different. I am appr...
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Changing Seasons

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I’m not sure I’ve been so excited to see the seasons change. Something stirs inside me as I zip up my sweater in the mornings and watch the leaves fall to the ground. My heart is longing for change. I’m ready for our Fall garden to start producing. I think I’m probably more eager to see what blooms and grows in this Fall garden then I was for the Spring/Summer garden. What will grow in the cooler temps? What will grow in the shorter, darker days? As stressful and busy as the Holiday season can be, I’ve always found that my soul and spirit becomes quieter around Thanksgiving into the New Year. I think that is why I’ve been longing for the seasons to change. My heart is ready for that quiet place.  I’m finding the intentions of daily life turning inwards, reflecting, finding grace. This year has been a lot. So much sadness and grief surround the year for me. The pandemic aside…things happened this year that were deeply wounding. I’m reminded of the scripture that was read at Sean and...
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Standing in the Sun

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   Have you ever thought about how important the sun is? I’ve always loved the warmth of the sun on my skin. I love the “golden hour,” where the sun hits so perfectly on the Earth and makes things beautiful. The sun provides so many good thi ngs for us, but really until we planted our garden this year, I’ve never taken the time to think about how truly important the sun is for the Earth.   Don’t worry, I’m not about to give a lesson on photosynthesis.  (But Amelia can tell you about it, her shirt taught her!) One of our little blunders in our garden was that we definitely overcrowded one of our beds and our peppers got “leggy,” meaning they had to grow taller than normal in order to seek the sun. We kept a seedling in our window when we couldn’t seem to get our basil growing well outside. We loved watching it grow toward the sun. We’d turn it the other direction, just to watch it shift directions back towards the window. It was as if it was reaching out for more. ...
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